In HERGOTIA, the tourism director was perplexed. This procedure was clearly bad for business. He called his Ambassador to the United States to ask what could be done. The Ambassador winced. Since this had come out, he had to some degree become the laughing stock in the diplomatic cocktail party circuit and was loathe to defend it. However, he knew that if he didn’t try to do something, he’d be back in HERGOTIA without a job or a title. So, he suggested that the tourism director call a Washington lawyer who was known for his lobbying skills. Tommy Mitchell. Tommy knew Washington’s skeletons better than anyone. By sharing this information with the minister, the Ambassador figured that he would be seen as being helpful without actually doing anything to promote this voodoo policy himself. The minister called Tommy’s office and got through to Tommy’s secretary. “Mr. Mitchell will be happy to discuss the matter with you, but we need a retainer of $50,000 first, and his hourly rate is $1,000 per hour.” The minister had been prepared for this request, and asked for wiring instructions and gave the secretary his email address for the retainer letter to be sent. He knew that for this kind of help, it would not be cheap.

In the meantime, Sam Burncoat, had read something on the IRS website announcing this new policy and called his contact in HERGOTIA. “Not a problem, sir, when you are put into the voodoo trance, you are buried in a casket in a tomb with piped in oxygen. That way our mortician can certify that you were buried on the death certificate. The casket has a video camera installed so that when you come out of the trance, we immediately increase the oxygen mixed with a mild sedative and pull you out of the ground”, said the salesman. “Sounds safe enough”, Sam replied. He then scheduled his death for December 15, 2010. He sent engraved invites to his friends to come to a death celebration party at his home on December 12 with a grim reaper on the cover.

The Chief of the Estate and Gift Tax Bureau of the IRS held a telephone conference call. You won’t believe the ad that was just handed me. “Come to the tropical paradise of HERGOTIA where for a fee we can arrange your death, and you don’t even have to really die. Our voodoo specialists, will put you into a death like state which lasts for two days. While in that state, your heart will beat at a very slow rate indetectible to the ear or to the stethoscope, or to one taking a pulse. Any doctor in the world would pronounce you dead. After two days, you will revive and be as good as new. But you would have died.”

The chief of the bureau was perplexed. “Voodoo trance? You’ve got to be kidding me.” He called the office of Chief Counsel, “we need to promulgate something which says that we are not going to honor death certificates from HERGOTIA.” He then went on to explain why. The Chief Counsel was also perplexed. Should he state an outright ban as a Chief Counsel Memorandum? Should he say that the certificate is ineffective unless recertified by a mortician showing cremation or burial of the body after the date of death. “Such a memorandum could therefore be more general and who’s to say that some unscrupulous US doctor won’t start handing out death certificates like candy”, he thought out loud.

He decided for the more general method. He announced a Rev. Procedure for comment. It read: “Effective immediately. Section 2001. Estate Tax Return. Proof of Death. In addition to appending the death certificate to the return, the Executor shall append a letter from a duly qualified mortician or cleric which certifies under penalties of perjury that the decedent was either buried or cremated. If the death, burial or cremation occurred outside of the United States or its territories, in addition to the certificate of burial or cremation, there shall be a certification from a health minister or foreign minister that the person who prepared the certificate is a licensed mortician or is a religious cleric in the Country where the death, burial or cremation occurred.”

There weren’t many comments. Many tax practitioners are always happy to see loopholes closed, even the dreaded “voodoo trance” loophole. In most states, the death certificates already have statements from morticians on the certificate itself. So, this was a mere formality.

We now return to the joys of 2010 and the fact that Congress has not yet passed a bill changing the unified credit from unlimited in 2010. We hear that Congress intends to deal with this by the end of the year but if they don’t watch for the following really tacky idea.

THE DEATH CERTIFICATE PRINTING OFFICE.

The Government of the tiny African Principality called HERGOTIA was having trouble balancing the budget. Their King, also known as King Nogomo had a friend living in the United States, by the name of Ngu Burnufu. Ngu was trying to become a chartered life underwriter so he could sell Life Insurance on the internet. Ngu’s plan was to sell the insurance written by HERGOTIAN insurance companies in the United States. While attending a seminar Ngu learned that there is no death tax for the year 2010 if you die in 2010

Ngu called King Nogomo on his cell phone and said told him about the glitch in the law. “I wonder if these rich Americans would travel to HERGOTIA and for a fee get a death certificate”, he asked the King. The King frowned, but then said, “it might be good for tourism, but we need to upgrade our hotels.” A large investment was made in redecorating hotels throughout HERGOTIA.. As a result, he came up with a plan, sell travel packages to HERGOTIA so that people can “die” there.

Sam Burnedcoat had built an internet empire. His multiple blogs were worth an estimated One Hundred Million Dollars. He had chosen sports topics to blog about and most importantly became a fantasy sports guru of sorts. People checked out his blogs every day to see who was hurt, who was hot and who as slumping, so that they could manipulate their fantasy teams. Every hit was like a dollar sign to him. Sam was 35 years old and unmarried. He knew that he could and would start other blogs in the future, but he heard that if he died he could leave his empire to his needful parents who were entering old age. But he didn’t really want to die. So, he searched the internet and found out about HERGOTIA. But that wouldn’t end the inquiry he had to prepare the landing for his death first. He needed a new identity. The folks in HERGOTIA could help with that, too. They would give him a birth certificate with a new name, but he would of course be a citizen of HERGOTIA. For Sam, this was not a problem, since he worked on the internet and HERGOTIA had great internet facilities in their hotels.

January 1, 2011

After a valiant fight, Jack Jenkins died at 4 a.m.

September 1, 2011

“It’s ashame you had to pay all those taxes Sally. If only he had gotten to ‘I do’ before the heart attack”, Lawyer Dobbins remarked. “Actually, he did. Do you remember that trip we took to Washington, D.C. last fall?” Sally asked. “ Yes” replied the lawyer. “Here is the hotel registration, he listed us as Mr. and Mrs. Jack Jenkins at the Hyatt Hotel in D.C.. D.C. is a common-law marriage state and according to this legal opinion I got from a D.C. lawyer, we were married. He held me out as his wife. At that point I had been divorced from Beau. Please file the return claiming the spousal rights”, Sally asked. “That’s great news, they’ll be no taxes until you die, Sally”, the lawyer answered.

March 1, 2011

Brian Peterson was handed an estate tax return to review. It was for a guy named Jack Jenkins. He checked the assets, the appraisals, the arithmatic, and approved the return. He never questioned the marital deduction since there was a joint tax return on file for the last year of life of the decedent. He sent the file up for a closing letter and the return showed zero taxes due and owing. “I can see this guy did no planning. He left everything to his wife”, he thought.

WRITER’S COMMENT. This is one of those stories that as I started writing it, took on a life of its own and I could have had it go on for a few more weeks and probably will continue to write on this tale off-line. Clearly the moral here is that when the Government creates an incentive by handing out money, some evil minded people are going to try and get the money. Tomorrow a new tax tale on a different tax topic.

December 31, 2010

It was the social event of the season. Jack Jenkins was going to get married right after midnight. It was clear that he and Sally were meant for each other. As they danced the evening away and toasted in the New Year. But Jack wasn’t looking his usual happy go lucky self. He looked like he might have the flu. More than one person asked him are you okay? At 12:15 a.m., as the guests were seated to await the Bridal Entrance, a commotion occurred in one of the anterooms. “Dr. Reynolds can you come into the sitting room, its Jack?”, said a friend. Dr. Reynolds sprinted into the sitting room. Jack was unconscious on the floor, his face ashen. The doctor felt for a pulse and there was none. “Call 911 and I need the defribrillator machine.” A waiter ran down to the golf locker room and procured the machine which was kept for golfers who wanted to get in one last round of golf, and ran it up to the sitting room. The doctor applied the paddles. Nothing happened. He upped the amps, nothing happened. He tried again he got a faint pulse. At that point the ambulance arrived and Jack was taken in critical condition to the hospital.